I sit here in my comfortable office and realize that my almost 3 years in Virginia have been at times chaotic. The month before I moved here, my father passed away after an extended illness.
Ten months after moving here my cousin (about 40) passed away unexpectedly. He wasn't sick, it just happened. He left a wife and kids.
Then in October 2005, a pastor friend in Waco passed away unexpectedly. He was electrocuted during a baptism. He was 33, had a wife and children. More grief!
In December 2005, a very dear friend died in Waco. He was 44, healthy, and died in his sleep. They still don't know what happened.
In the Spring of 2006, my aunt (the mother of the cousin above) passed away after a time in the hospital.
Then in the summer of 2006, one of my best friends died in a plane crash. More grief for a wife and children!
All of these tragedies and experiences of grief have been documented on my blog.
Then comes Monday, April 16. A sick person kills over 30 people on the campus of Virginia Tech, a school some 90 minutes from where I teach.
I'm numb again. I don't know how to respond. I mean, so many lives snuffed out in an instance, added to the pain I already felt in my own circle of friends.
How do you move on? What do you do?
I feel so (what's the word?) angry, upset, sad. . . . I'm not sure what to say.
The shock of hearing about these untimely deaths (is death ever timely?) is bad enough, but this sudden bit of bad news has hit me harder than I would have imagined. You see, grief came knocking on my door, and he was not expected. I wasn't prepared, I didn't know how to act or what to say. I'm experiencing grief again!
Grief often shows up at the most inopportune time. He is seldom a welcome guest and even more rarely an invited one. He walks in unannounced and tries to take over the household. Grief immobilizes you. It makes you stop and hurt. I guess grief is useful, but when you are experiencing it you just want it to stop. You want the uninvited pest to go away. A part of our lives were taken away without our permission!
Grief has come to us, he came uninvited. We will walk a while, probably in silence. At the end, we will still miss our friends, but hopefully we will cherish life more.
Grief is not my friend, but he helps in some ways, I guess. Grief came knocking on my door, and I didn't check to see who it was before I answered. Now Grief is a guest in my home again. How long he'll stay is anybody's guess. He'll leave quietly one day and the only evidence that he was there will be the memory of our missing friends and a few tear-filled tissues. Grief will go, but hopefully he will leave us wiser and more grateful.
Don't misunderstand me . . . I'm still confident in God's character.
I know God is faithful and good.
But this whole thing just seems so wrong.
I hate death.
Yes, I hate it.
On the day when Death and Hades are kicked into the bottomless pit, I will stand and cheer. I will dance about wildly, flinging my arms and body in all sorts of directions in praise of a great accomplishment--greater than any touchdown, homerun, or pay raise. I will celebrate madly the final death of Death. I long for the day.
Pray and grieve, that is the season for now.
Remember that your grief is not in vain. Let it work a good work in you. Don't use it as an excuse to turn to anger or bitterness, but rather use it as a reminder to cherish those around you more, to revel in the friendships, the relationships, the life you have today.
Let grief drive you to enjoy the good in life today! Let it push you to a kind and merciful God who knows how to see you through it.
Let grief be the tool that causes you to appreciate life.
Life is precious, God is reminding us to cherish it and nurture it.
I know, it is time to turn off the rant. You've heard enough. And besides, I'll probably revisit this topic later.
Remember to pray for the community of Virginia Tech and the friends and families who are hurting now. Remember to express your grief, to develop an appreciation for life.
You are precious. You matter. So does your grief!
Thanks for reading!
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