Many years ago (around 2009) I wrote the entry below. I wanted to post it again due to experiencing some of the same emotions recently, but I wanted to add to it too. Life has not been as hoped or expected in 2022. I'm not saying this to get sympathy, just trying to be honest. I no longer have the joy of doing a job I genuinely enjoyed, and (to be honest) I've been feeling a bit invisible lately. Lunch with some friends today reminded me that I am not really "invisible." It also reminded me that God never really leaves us completely alone. So, I return to grading papers feeling a bit melancholy, but I am reminded of God's faithfulness. This note came up in my memories at just the right time, and I hope it blesses you too!
Hey y'all: Just a bit of rambling for you today because I'm in a bit of a introspective mood or something (yeah, I know I should be grading or writing or something "academic," but life is like that sometimes). Anyway, I started off the day with a pretty good mood, but it has been one of those days. I got in the car, the CD player wouldn't work. Drove down the road in my neighborhood, almost got run over by "neighbors" who apparently do not know what a "Stop" sign is. On the highway got tailgated by a police car (yep, tailgated, thought he wanted in my backseat or something). Got to work and felt completely invisible . . . and then . . . Some guys came into the office to hang pictures for a colleague.
Little did I realize that they would be relentlessly pounding on my wall from the other side. In a few minutes, a commemorative plate of a Russian lacquer painting was vibrated off my shelf and broke. Sigh.
Now, before you all think I'm beginning to feel too sorry for myself (or before you think I'm fishing for "recognition"), let me just say . . . It is really okay. Yeah, it smarts a bit, but it is okay. I may not be the newest shiny toy, or the most popular person, or even the most recognized "whatever", but I know one thing is still true . . . God has not forgotten me.
He has written me on the palms of his hands; he gave his only unique, one of a kind Son so that I could be his child; he created a whole universe so I could be born as one among many whom he would love; and he knows my name. As surely as God knows the stars by name, he knows each of us in his creation. None of us are overlooked.
Oh, we may have times where we "feel" as though the world would be better without us, but the reality is a bit different. Each of us have a role to play in God's grand story to end all stories. We all are a part of the greatest thing ever. Whether we choose to participate or not, we are all of us a part of what God is doing.
No, that information may not fix my mood, but those words sure make me smile a bit. I'm not alone . . . I haven't lost anything worth much . . . and God is still in control. I admit, it isn't much of a "fix," but then again God never promised us that nothing bad would ever happen.
So, here I am, introspective and all. It's a little cold outside and a bit gloomy, kind of matching my current emotional state. And yet. . . and yet . . . I'm smiling just a bit. Why? Because I am convinced of better things. Because I know God's character. Because his Word never fails.
How inexpressible is his great gift towards us! How surprising and overwhelming is his love! I know the end of the story . . . it will be "happily ever after." If a few plates or books get lost in the meanwhile, I'll figure out a way to deal with it. If you are having a day like mine, let me know. I want to pray for you. Life sucks sometimes, but God is still good.
Thanks for reading!
