Have you ever felt an ache in your heart that you didn't want to express because it might hurt others? That's where I have been lately. Don't really want to blog about it, don't really want to say it because it seems "selfish" in part. But it still hurts. Someday I hope I outgrow this kind of immaturity, but there it is.
I guess my problem is that I feel underappreciated or something, but then at the same time I feel like an idiot for wanting "appreciation" instead of just doing the right thing because it is the right thing.
I don't know, maybe it is just a bad Wednesday.
I can't seem to shake this feeling, and it has been around about 2 weeks.
Little things happen regularly that seem to feed it. Just when I think I've "divorced" myself from it, something happens to bring it back. The enemy of our souls takes advantage of "little" things to stir up the stupid thoughts in my head and heart. When others are blessed, he tries to make me think I have somehow "missed out" or been treated worse.
Now you know why I hate satan so! I look forward to the day when he and his ugly demons are cast forever in the abyss.
At any rate, I thought it might be a bit therapeutic to "say" this on-line. This is not an attempt to get a response, I'm simply "thinking out loud" in a way.
So, my friends, pray for me. Pray that I outgrow this immaturity, pray that I learn simply to do the right thing because it honors my Lord. Pray that I cherish his "Well done!" far above the kind words of others.
I know that I am NOT underappreciated, and I know that my friends care. Maybe I just need a vacation or something. I think I'll go listen to some Dylan.
Thanks for listening!
1 comment:
You are one among many who I've heard feel this way recently, including myself. Thank you for your post! Always good to know that even an esteemed professor is just as human as the rest of us.
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